In May 98, alt.music.dio was under attack by the worst trolling in its (3.5 year?) history. I won't say who it really was, but one of his email addresses (at WebTV) had the name "Danny" in it, so we'll call him "Danny". He consistantly posted the most immature crap I have ever seen in my 5 years or so on the internet. He called Ozzy his "Lord God", yet we never saw his posts on alt.music.ozzy nor alt.music.black-sabbath. If you really hate a certain subject, why spend all of your time on that newsgroup? Why visit it in the first place? It remains one of the great mysteries of the 'net.
But a good thing came of this: 3 new parodies! Since I figured our immature troller wouldn't know any Dio tunes, I made the second parody for an Ozzy Osbourne tune. What follows is my very first Elf parody, the only parody that's not of a Ronnie James Dio song, and another parody from the Sacred Heart album.
Don't worry. There's a new food parody too.
Aggravatin' Danny, you're getting on my fanny And you just can't troll any more When it gets down to flaming back though You're a bit amusing You've got pimples on your face But you're just acting your age So I wonder well I wonder Does dad know his Web TV's on? Danny Web TV You're a hard core Ozz fan, a real rude Ozz fan A little boy from eigth grade With a negative way of speaking And you're really mental We hardly speak of Ozz, but you feel you have a cause And I wonder, well we wonder Was AOL to hard for you? Danny Web TV Well TeRRy always says "Dio Rules" But why all your drool? We'll kill file you, just try it again We ain't letting you win, no way, all right! Aggravatin' Danny your head's up your fanny And you can't cope any more When it gets down to using newsgroups Man, you're just abusing Well he got lots of complaints For posting such flame bait So I'm waiting, I'm just waiting till your ISP shuts you down, Danny Web TV Hey, Danny Web TV Oh, Hey, Danny Web TV...yeah!
Mr. Danny, what goes on in your head? Mr. Danny, creating long flame threads Your posting to me seems pathetic And you just have no class You might have to call up a medic: You head is stuck up your ass Mr. Flaming, so you think Ozzy's great Mr. Complaining, to flames you masterbate You don't even post to alt.ozzy, you just say "Dio's Lame!" I know not all Ozz fans are like you, but you're giving them a bad name (solo) Mr. Danny, what purpose do you serve? Mr. Danny, is your life boring? absurd? "I need to use the Web TV" you hear your daddy call If your problem was really with TeRRy, then why must you involve us all? Learn some nettiquette now I'm sure you make Ozzy proud I'm sure your trolls I'm sure your trolls make him proud
Hot flames - summer on the newsgroup Just about to post and burn Look here - just notify ISP And then maybe he will learn He shouts for Ozzy Madness He's on patrol He's the King of Dio trolls Young kid - everybody knows it Never has grown pubic hair Didn't like this one post from TeRRy So now he just trolls everywhere He's gonna make our kill files (hit "K" and "control") He's the King of Dio trolls, He's the King of Dio trolls Bad boy- got caught by his Daddy posting "Ozzy Rules!" trolls Web TV shuts him down for ever Will he ever ever ever ever ever ever act old? He lost his Dad's new account And we've got control Kill File "King of Dio Trolls" He makes the Ozz fans look bad, Ironic, no? Cause he's the King of Dio Trolls, The King of Dio Trolls The King of Dio Trolls...
(these 3 parodies originally posted to alt.music.dio on June 1, 1998. And don't forget, I, Bill M. wrote them!)