The Day Redundant Man Was Fatally Murdered to Death

by Wes Jones


One single day there was a man called and named Redundant Man. There was also a maniacal, crazy, evil, bad genius who was really smart and who had malevolent and off-beat schemes. This second man, whom we described after the first, was lying in a reclined position on the couch one day when he suddenly sat up and declared "Hah!, I feel exceptionally evil today. What horrific atrocity shall I commit against humanity?"

Then, all of sudden, and in a really surprising and totally unexpected manner, a man in a red, blue, green, blue, green, red, red, green, red, blue, and green suit, wearing a cape and hoodless cloak, smashed through the window of transparent glass used to provide light and a view into the outside world, as well as illumination and access to the scenery on the other side.

"Haha! I shall stop you and put an end to that which you were about to commit and do to others as well as innocent peoples whom I have sworn and promised to protect and fend off danger diverted at!"

"What?"

Redundant Man (the guy in the costume and brightly colored suit used to attract attention and conceal identity while not allowing people to know who is wearing it but makes people notice that he is around) leaped forward and advanced with a slightly hopping, jumping motion and attacked and launched an offensive action meant to hurt and inflict damage upon the evil bad guy. The evil bad guy took out and withdrew a large artillery bazooka antitank weapon capable of firing a highly destructive explosive shell that causes damage usually used on large mobile vehicles and tanks and then shot, fired upon, and initiated his own attack upon he whose name was Redundant Man. Redundant Man screamed, yelled, shrieked, shouted, hollered, was mortally wounded, was eliminated, had his life force drained from his body, was terminated, sustained massive fatal and life threatening injuries and died.

"That was simple."

Crash! Another window shattered as four men came flying in through the window and pointed intimidatingly at the Evil Bad guy.

"Now, evildoer - you fiend - you shall pay! For I and my heroic allies shall thwart your evil scheme and avenge the hero you just offed!"

"Egads, No! The Heroes That Thwart Evil Bad Guys!"

"Yes," the leader said, "we have come to beat you up and spout really bad cliches."

"No, not bad cliches!"

The Heroes That Thwart Evil Bad Guys beat the stuffing out of the evil bad guy and threw him in prison and they all lived happily ever after...until a large and extremely heavy building fell on two of their members. This didn't directly kill them, however. They actually died when they staggered dazedly out into the street, slipped on banana peels, and fell in front of a passing 18-wheeler. The other two collected the insurance money and lived happily ever after...until they died, after which it is possible they were still happy, but can't be said to have lived, since they were dead.

The End...   ...for now.

Next time: Redundant man returns to the land of the living and is resurrected to come back to life in "I Survived Redundancy and Lived!"


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