Interview with Hwango the Indistinct

Interviewer:I'm here today with Hwango the Indistinct, co-star of the immensely popular Stuff That Happened to Thing #5. Good afternoon, Mr. Indistinct.
Hwango:Good Afternoon, Mr. Interviewer. It's a pleasure to be here with you today.
Interviewer:Um…that's nice. So, Mr. Indistinct, tell us what's it's like being part of Stuff That Happened to Thing #5.
Hwango:Well, it's fascinating work, really. I have a couple of great co-stars: Thing #5 and Albatross the One. They're great people to work with.
Interviewer:Er…really? They both seem to try to kill you fairly often. Doesn't that make things a little tense on the set?
Hwango:Not at all. I understand that we're all professionals, and that if the script calls for Thing #5 to dismember me with a tuning fork, then he'll be forced to do it. I don't think it's anything personal.
Interviewer:Oh. Uh, Mr. Instistinct -
Hwango:Please, call me Hwango.
Interviewer:Okay…Hwango. I can't help noticing that you're not acting anything like you do in the story.
Hwango:I'm sorry, should I be?
Interviewer:Well, yes, to be honest. You see, no one wants to find out that you're actually a perfectly rational and reasonable individual. They want to hear you blither gibberish and upset me with your ridiculous antics.
Hwango:Do they?
Interviewer:Well, that was more the idea. These interviews are supposed to be funny, you know.
Hwango:Are they?
Interviewer:Yes, they are. So, why don’t you do something funny, and liven things up?
Hwango:Like what?
Interviewer:I don’t know - you're the one who's supposed to be fun and goofy.
Hwango:I see. Well let me try to get into character. Hello, Mr. Interview Person.
Interviewer:Hello, Hwango. So, what's is like being part of -
Hwango: I have opposable thumbs.
Interviewer:That's nice. But what about -
Hwango:Your head looks like cheese.
Interviewer:Um...Let's talk about -
Hwango:Toot! Toooot!
Interviewer:Look, never mind acting in character. Let's just talk about -
Hwango:I have to go get let Thing hit me with a street lamp now. You can talk to this giant squid while I'm gone.
Interviewer:Aargh! Aargh! Get it off me!! Nooooooo -

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